halftime show

if your team is losing by 21 at halftime and you're still watching, you are the demographic every ad is priced for. congratulations, and i'm sorry.

commentator: "they need to want it more"

the other team, who has been playing football for their entire lives and is currently at the highest level of the sport: yes we hadn't considered that

the ref who called that has never touched grass. that's not a metaphor. i mean it literally. he lives indoors.

the coach after a 30-point loss: "we just weren't ready" the team, whose entire job for the last month was to be ready: :)

the ad break during the game is longer than the game. i timed it. i regret timing it.

the moon landing is at 3am and the game is at 8pm. this is the greatest night of tv in history. buy snacks. call in tomorrow.